Fear kept
me bound
to circumstances
that stripped
me of my
self-worth.
Awareness,
of the need
to change
my perspective,
opened up
my ability
to love
myself.
Belief in
who He is,
bought my
freedom.
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
Self expression through writing has been a hobby & passion of mine since I was a little girl. In this picture, I was approximately 5 years old and was writing a poem. The following self expression explains why I am sitting there with a blank stare filled with so much sadness.
From the first touch, my life was forever changed. I could no longer see through the innocent sparkled filled eyes of a little girl, but rather the a darkened, blank stare that narrowly dilated my carefree view of this world. This false interpretation of safety and love from a man, quickly devoured my heart with lies of how my life was to be.
The depths of the overwhelming sadness that overcame me, could never be explained in order for you to understand how deep that violation not only hurt me, but changed me. All because of…that first touch.
The “first” touch led to many incidents of being molested by several people through the age of 12 and then raped at the age of 14. I held this secret until I was 40 years old. By finally sharing my story, it is helping me heal from the pain of the abuse.
Words That Are Silenced Are Lethal Secrets To Destroy You Soul, Speak Your Truth.
In April, I turn 50 years old, a half century! I want to encourage others that they too can be “no longer held captive by childhood secrets”. By safely sharing your secret with a trusted friend, family member, teacher, therapist or writing it out anonymously, this powerful act of courage, is the first step to being free from shame.
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
Every troubled heart
cries out to this earth for its relief,
but searching there alone,
won’t bring you peace.
Like moths to a flame,
disoriented by failed attempts to fill
your brokenness with good deeds.
This yearning for wholeness,
and the unending need
for acceptance,
can’t be found,
in the hands of others.
Free yourself from the weight of the
tattered alabaster box,
and receive the gift of significance.
~denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
When writing this piece, I began to hear the words SHIFT. For me it’s shifting from the self-sabotaging fear of change. The unraveling of each layer of my life that I held onto with “white knuckled fists” realizing that I could no longer be MY foundation. I had to release my hold on what was, to begin to face the reality of what is. The process of releasing fear and grasping faith can be a brutal one, only if I continue to fight the process.
~Denise
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”.
– John 8:36
This beautiful and vibrant artwork by Kohava Howard, immediately spoke volumes to my soul!
The colors and her image, made me think of myself as I bravely continue on my healing journey.
At times I found myself, revisiting the painful areas of my past and hovering there, literally stuck in a dark place within my mind. Those moments lead me to feeling not only depressed, but caused me to isolate from my family and friends.
The Power to Rise…
Through therapy, recovery and my relationship with God, I have learned that it is ok to feel the pain. I no longer stuff my feelings, but I talk about them, freely, without fear of judgement. I face those memories with courage, completely accepting both the good and bad memories of my past. Applying truth and love has given me my freedom.
As I continue to meditate on the woman in this picture, her image depicts tremendous amount of strength, which transcends beauty and radiates of her perfect peace and hope for her future.
~ xoxo Denise
This poem is in tribute to the little girl, in me, who at 9 years old, unexpectedly became the victim to the abuse of a family friend.
In the early morning hours, just prior to dawn.
you silently stepped into the bedroom
and viewed your next victim.
Your excitement grew,
as you placed one of your hands,
upon her flat, pre-adolescent chest,
and moved the other hand beneath the covers.
As you attempted to reach her innocence,
she flinched… and fear overtook her as she see’s you hovering over her.
STOP! She yelled.
You glared at her disgustingly,
and quickly left the room.
She was the lamb to the slaughter,
the doe to the hunter.
The ultimate sacrifice to the appetite of,
this dirty old man.
Denise Boyd Copyright ©
My Journey Home….to God & Self 