Tag: mental-health

No longer held captive by…my own limitations

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Every part of my BE-ing

screams out from

under the mask

of my own insecurities.

Fear tries to woo itself

oh so closely

to the inner complexity

of my identity.

This inward battle of

who I am vs who I’m not

continues to churn.

Keep evolving.

~denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by the scars of your past.

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Every 
attempt 
to conceal
scars
is damaging 
to your soul.
Unleash them
from the 
preconceived 
emotions 
that keep you
bound to 
their power.
Allow your 
true self 
to be seen,
for your 
freedom cry 
is anxiously
waiting for
your arrival.

~Denise 
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

Shifting…

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When writing this piece, I began to hear the words SHIFT. For me it’s shifting from the self-sabotaging fear of change. The unraveling of each layer of my life that I held onto with “white knuckled fists” realizing that I could no longer be MY foundation. I had to release my hold on what was, to begin to face the reality of what is. The process of releasing fear and grasping faith can be a brutal one, only if I continue to fight the process.

~Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”.

– John 8:36

No longer held captive by…discontent

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Why must we

wander around,

looking to fill

the emptiness

with things

outside of ourself?

Attempting to drown out

the pain by trading

inanimate items

for animate

disappointments.

Yearning

for that

next fix,

which will

never truly

fill the

void.

~Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

Unbecoming…

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When writing this piece about simply “unbecoming”. I kept hearing the words, “you have to unbecome to become”. For me that means, ditching the old ways of viewing myself through the unhealthy lenses that are holding me back from my true potential and learning how to embrace my quirky ways by no longer apologizing for simply being ok with me.

~Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…uncertainty

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From here

to there

is such a small feat,

when we release

our need to control

every aspect of

the journey.

Moving confidently

in our own rhythm,

frees the constraints,

and releases

the reigns

on where our feet,

are waiting to take us.

Bravely…

in our own,

unique way,

just show up.

~Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by chaos…

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Fast talking,

heart pumping

overthinking

everything.

This nervous energy

was driven by

an attempt

to hide behind

the inability

to trust,

even my

own instincts.

Trauma

groomed me

into believing

that I was nothing

outside of what

I did for others.

Unknowingly,

it kept

me bound,

to things out of

my control.

I’ve learned,

to walk away

from the chaos,

and to step

into my

true authentic self.

For there is where,

I am happy,

and for there is where,

I am free.

~Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…secrets.

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Words that are silenced, are lethal secrets to destroy your soul. Speak your truth.  – Denise

I am a Survivor, and a daily Overcomer to the pain I hid for 40 years. I found my voice and I am never turning back…I am No Longer Held Captive By My Childhood Secrets.

Speaking from a place of authenticity can be gut wrenching! But I keep writing and as I write it brings me healing. To write unapologetically & without shame brings me freedom.

I was sexually abused off and on by several people both male and female approximately between the ages of 4-12 years old and while I was on a date at age 14, I was raped in my high school parking lot.

As a teenager, I struggled with low self-esteem, and after I was raped, I developed an eating disorder, called bulimia. I used diet pills, laxatives and restricted my eating in order to try to control those things that I couldn’t control in my life. At school I was an overachieving people pleasing perfectionist, but away from school I was promiscuous and occasionally used alcohol and drugs to numb my pain. The sexual abuse caused me to live with a tremendous amount of guilt and shame.

I hid those terrible secrets for close to 40 years, and on April 5, 2012, my declared “Day of Emancipation”, I shared my childhood sexual abuse and rape story publicly on Ravens Closet Talk Show.

The many years of stuffing the unresolved childhood trauma took a toll on my physical, mental, emotional & spiritual health. It completely affected my life, including the ability to create healthy boundaries in the relationship with my husband.

Words like depression, anxiety, PTSD & chronic illness were common discussions with my Doctors. Currently, I am working through the healing process, layer by layer…one moment at a time with God and through Celebrate Recovery, a 12-step Christian Recovery Program.

Healing is a process, so be gentle with yourself, I’ve learned that isolating is NOT an option and reaching out for help is imperative. Always remember, you are not alone.

What the enemy tried to use to destroy me, God is using to give others hope. With God ALL things are possible…which includes walking through the journey of healing from the pain of childhood trauma & the pain of relationship betrayal. Today, step by step, my life and marriage are being restored.

~ Denise
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

No longer held captive by…avoidance

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Not a simple crack…

Under the layers of

an ice-like heart

in the deep…deep foundation

there was a simple crack.

overlooked

Ignored

compressed

the layers

continued to form

until one day

under the pressure

of it’s own weight

the simple crack

expanded

and became a glacier.

and when the hardness

leaked into every area

of her life,

she then realized

it could no longer

be ignored.

~ Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36