Tag: Healing
No longer held captive by chaos…
Fast talking,
heart pumping
overthinking
everything.
This nervous energy
was driven by
an attempt
to hide behind
the inability
to trust,
even my
own instincts.
Trauma
groomed me
into believing
that I was nothing
outside of what
I did for others.
Unknowingly,
it kept
me bound,
to things out of
my control.
I’ve learned,
to walk away
from the chaos,
and to step
into my
true authentic self.
For there is where,
I am happy,
and for there is where,
I am free.
~Denise
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
No longer held captive by…secrets.
Words that are silenced, are lethal secrets to destroy your soul. Speak your truth. – Denise
I am a Survivor, and a daily Overcomer to the pain I hid for 40 years. I found my voice and I am never turning back…I am No Longer Held Captive By My Childhood Secrets.
Speaking from a place of authenticity can be gut wrenching! But I keep writing and as I write it brings me healing. To write unapologetically & without shame brings me freedom.
I was sexually abused off and on by several people both male and female approximately between the ages of 4-12 years old and while I was on a date at age 14, I was raped in my high school parking lot.
As a teenager, I struggled with low self-esteem, and after I was raped, I developed an eating disorder, called bulimia. I used diet pills, laxatives and restricted my eating in order to try to control those things that I couldn’t control in my life. At school I was an overachieving people pleasing perfectionist, but away from school I was promiscuous and occasionally used alcohol and drugs to numb my pain. The sexual abuse caused me to live with a tremendous amount of guilt and shame.
I hid those terrible secrets for close to 40 years, and on April 5, 2012, my declared “Day of Emancipation”, I shared my childhood sexual abuse and rape story publicly on Ravens Closet Talk Show.
The many years of stuffing the unresolved childhood trauma took a toll on my physical, mental, emotional & spiritual health. It completely affected my life, including the ability to create healthy boundaries in the relationship with my husband.
Words like depression, anxiety, PTSD & chronic illness were common discussions with my Doctors. Currently, I am working through the healing process, layer by layer…one moment at a time with God and through Celebrate Recovery, a 12-step Christian Recovery Program.
Healing is a process, so be gentle with yourself, I’ve learned that isolating is NOT an option and reaching out for help is imperative. Always remember, you are not alone.
What the enemy tried to use to destroy me, God is using to give others hope. With God ALL things are possible…which includes walking through the journey of healing from the pain of childhood trauma & the pain of relationship betrayal. Today, step by step, my life and marriage are being restored.
~ Denise
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11
No longer held captive by…avoidance
Not a simple crack…
Under the layers of
an ice-like heart
in the deep…deep foundation
there was a simple crack.
overlooked
Ignored
compressed
the layers
continued to form
until one day
under the pressure
of it’s own weight
the simple crack
expanded
and became a glacier.
and when the hardness
leaked into every area
of her life,
she then realized
it could no longer
be ignored.
~ Denise
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
No longer held captive by…the need for validation
Having a false
sense of security
in the opinion
of others,
is an intentional attempt
to try to live our life
pleasing the created
instead of the creator.
yearning for acceptance
that only comes from
His place of peace.
the constant battles
that play out in
our own thoughts,
limits our ability
to clearly distinguish
between sanity and insanity.
the self-contained
ego-driven
willingness
to remain
in distress
limits our gift
of freedom.
I am learning, it’s not a get “fixed quick” healing process, I have to be willing to do the hard work necessary in order to renew my mind. Which includes, limiting the opinions of others and the access of them speaking into my life from a place of their “own” needs being met. Honoring my space and upholding healthy boundaries is imperative.
~ Denise
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
No longer held captive by…over-thinking
Train your thoughts
to turn from the
self-depriving,
time consuming,
over-thinking,
words that continue to replay
continually in your own mind.
Free yourself
from what you
could’ve
would’ve
should’ve
said.
indulging
in the cares
and concerns
of what others think,
is self-contained
punishment.
Free yourself
from allowing those
racing thoughts
to run carelessly
throughout each corner
of your own mind.
Free yourself…
you have the authority
to command,
anxiety to be still.
~ Denise
“You will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is steadfast, because they trust in you.”
– Isaiah 26:3
No longer held captive by…fear
She is called my beloved.
intentionally…
strategically…
unapologetically…
fighting for her freedom.
through the self-defeating,
misrepresentation of an
unwelcomed
unannounced visitor,
who goes by the name of…
“the former self-doubting version” of herself.
she sits quietly
crouched between
“who I used to be”…
and
“who I am now”…
as she anticipates the arrival of,
“who I’m becoming”.
she is called my beloved.
endlessly…
evolving…
and transforming
from the lies that lay
dormant between the confines
of her own mind,
and other’s restrictive insecurities.
she is called my beloved.
courageously crafting her next move,
determined to win this battle gracefully…
she is called my beloved.
step by step,
she painfully
pulls back each layer,
and exposes
the truth…
unmasked.
she is called my beloved.
her new identity,
outweighs the former entanglement of despair.
she is called my beloved.
branded with the heart of a lion…
she fearlessly arises.
She is called my Beloved,
and I am she.
xoxo – Denise
Words that are silenced, are lethal secrets to destroy your soul. Speak your truth.💗
No longer held captive by…loneliness
Deep wounds can begin to form when we feel forgotten. We begin to ask questions such as, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Why was I not included?”
Feelings of being forgotten…
if we allow ourself to remain in that state of despair, you will begin to spiral into a dark place which allows depression and isolation to form walls around you.
In the past, I was very familiar with the lies of feeling “forgotten” and today I
want you to know that you are important, valued, loved and seen.
Not just for what you can do for others, but for simply being you.
Those that love you, may not even know that you are struggling.
I encourage you today, to reach out to someone and let them know that you need them…and if they don’t respond with grace….then reach out to the next person…or the next one…or the next one…until you find someone who is really there for you.
You are not alone, you are not forgotten. Don’t give up.
~ xoxo Denise
“Don’t fear because I am with you, don’t be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will hold you up and keep a firm grip on you”.
-Isaiah 41:10
No longer held captive…by rejection
You are my masterpiece
Created in my perfect image
There is none like you
I made sure of that
Uniquely crafted
Genuinely created for greatness
You are wanted
Never rejected
Loved beyond measure.
His love endures forever – Psalm 118:2
xoxo Denise
No longer held captive…by anxiety
My Journey Home….to God & Self 