There is a quiet comfort in knowing we are held, gently and securely by God. In the chaos of life, in the middle of questions, fears, and uncertainty, His presence comforts us and His peace surrounds us.
– denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
I decided to get out of my comfort zone and nervously read one of my poems in front of the camera.
Speaking in public or in front of a camera, causes me some anxiety and I normally find myself completely overthinking, being self-critical and sometimes talking myself out of it.
But not tonight.
I sat in my living room, didn’t fuss with the perfect application of makeup or the correct lighting. I just went for it….and because I did, it was a huge breakthrough for me!
You see, after surviving the pulmonary embolism, I struggled with the affects in my mind, emotions, and body. My brain seemed to be a bit different, very foggy, easily overwhelmed/overstimulated and anxiety. I struggled and sometimes still struggle with terrible fatigue, hair loss and extra weight gain. These things had began to mess with my confidence and I found myself beginning to hide a bit and shrink back from doing things that I used to do much easier in the past.
Being in my 50’s and a survivor of…well an overcomer of so many different challenges in my life, (past childhood trauma, stress etc.) I realize that it’s ok to not always be ok, but it’s not ok to be stuck in my circumstances. Taking things one day at a time, allows me to remove unrealistic expectations and letting go of my own pressure of perfectionism, the need to please others and making space for plenty of love and grace. Healing is a process and I am choosing to be present, every step of the way.
My hope is that I continue to show up and do things that make me uncomfortable.
This not so simple act of getting out of my own head, and doing things even if I am afraid or nervous is truly liberating.
Thanks for sharing this moment with me, it means a lot!
– denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
While looking at this picture, a sense of fear tends to come over me. I relate this picture to the storms of life, that I have already encountered and the ones I will bravely walk thru as I continue to acknowledge and address my childhood sexual abuse. This road will lead me to my complete healing.
“THE STORM WILL BE VERY DIFFICULT TO SEE IN THE DARK. DO NOT WAIT. TAKE COVER NOW”.
These words were announced on the national weather broadcast for the recent Oklahoma Tornado warnings. These words stuck with me and I knew I had to press on through my storm.
Remaining in the state of mind that kept me imprisoned to the abuse, was natural. I had been accustomed to the negative way of thinking, without fully realizing that I was still living as a Victim. The lack of self-esteem, the negative self-talk, the feeling of not being good enough, consumed my life. The decision to share my story and acknowledge that my innocence had been sacrificed to give someone else pleasure caused my heart to ache with immeasurable amount of pain . The heaviness alone made me want to run in the opposite direction and forgo any further “journey to healing”.
Again, I heard the warning, “THE STORM WILL BE DIFFICULT TO SEE IN THE DARK. DO NOT WAIT. TAKE COVER NOW”.
My storm of abuse may be difficult to look back on and acknowledge but when I face the darkness of my past, I know that I am to patiently experience every dimension of my healing and Wait and to Take Cover, because, my help is near.
With God being my help. I have chosen to focus on Psalms 91:
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. They say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.
IN the midst of the storm, I call on Jesus..
Denise Boyd Copyright ©
My Journey Home….to God & Self 