Tag: self-care

She fled from the misrepresentation…of herself.

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She sat there within the fear

of her own limitations,

looking away…

afraid of the image that

stared back at her.

She hid and continued to shrink,

until her soul cried out for more.

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

Art credit:

https://www.artbybri.com/

@briahnawenke

#artbybriahna

#nolongerheldcaptive

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I was attacked

at the very core

of my being and

was told to end it.

That I was not going to

live past the depression,

the anxiety and the tremendous

amount of pain.

The lies, and self hatred

tried to overshadow every ounce

of hope and faith

I previously held onto.

Even though I walk through the

darkest valley…

Fragmented pieces of the

memories came flashing

back as I tried to piece them

together and make sense

of the realization that these

were not nightmares but

factual suppressed recollections.

I will fear no evil…for you are with me….

It was too much!

I felt as if I was literally being

ripped from the inside out.

Every part of my body ached

as I exposed the truth and

walked through the dark

murkiness of my past.

You protect and guide me,

and I find comfort as you console me…

In my despair,

I wept, as I released the pain.

You are repairing all the damage

that was done to me,

and restoring the deepest,

most real part of me.

Lord, my strength and hope, comes from you.

(*Psalm 23)

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…anxiety

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5…4…3…2…1…

frantic images are vividly playing out behind my eyes…

my mind is racing and all of my senses are heightened to the point that I literally want to RUN out of my own skin…

it’s a thief…

attempting to rob me of my tranquility…

what do I “see”

what do I “hear”

what do I “smell”

what do I “feel”

what do I “taste”

they say grounding brings me back to reality

it does….but then what?

I say….

i’m fleeing…

to my place of peace…

where He quiets my racing pulse…

and speaks peace to the frantic storm…

welcoming me with open arms…

I calmly exhale my fear…and inhale serenity.

~ denise marie

When anxiety overwhelms me, your Word comforts me and brings me joy.

– Psalm 94:19

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…secrets.

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Words that are silenced, are lethal secrets to destroy your soul. Speak your truth.  – Denise

I am a Survivor, and a daily Overcomer to the pain I hid for 40 years. I found my voice and I am never turning back…I am No Longer Held Captive By My Childhood Secrets.

Speaking from a place of authenticity can be gut wrenching! But I keep writing and as I write it brings me healing. To write unapologetically & without shame brings me freedom.

I was sexually abused off and on by several people both male and female approximately between the ages of 4-12 years old and while I was on a date at age 14, I was raped in my high school parking lot.

As a teenager, I struggled with low self-esteem, and after I was raped, I developed an eating disorder, called bulimia. I used diet pills, laxatives and restricted my eating in order to try to control those things that I couldn’t control in my life. At school I was an overachieving people pleasing perfectionist, but away from school I was promiscuous and occasionally used alcohol and drugs to numb my pain. The sexual abuse caused me to live with a tremendous amount of guilt and shame.

I hid those terrible secrets for close to 40 years, and on April 5, 2012, my declared “Day of Emancipation”, I shared my childhood sexual abuse and rape story publicly on Ravens Closet Talk Show.

The many years of stuffing the unresolved childhood trauma took a toll on my physical, mental, emotional & spiritual health. It completely affected my life, including the ability to create healthy boundaries in the relationship with my husband.

Words like depression, anxiety, PTSD & chronic illness were common discussions with my Doctors. Currently, I am working through the healing process, layer by layer…one moment at a time with God and through Celebrate Recovery, a 12-step Christian Recovery Program.

Healing is a process, so be gentle with yourself, I’ve learned that isolating is NOT an option and reaching out for help is imperative. Always remember, you are not alone.

What the enemy tried to use to destroy me, God is using to give others hope. With God ALL things are possible…which includes walking through the journey of healing from the pain of childhood trauma & the pain of relationship betrayal. Today, step by step, my life and marriage are being restored.

~ Denise
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

No longer held captive by…avoidance

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Not a simple crack…

Under the layers of

an ice-like heart

in the deep…deep foundation

there was a simple crack.

overlooked

Ignored

compressed

the layers

continued to form

until one day

under the pressure

of it’s own weight

the simple crack

expanded

and became a glacier.

and when the hardness

leaked into every area

of her life,

she then realized

it could no longer

be ignored.

~ Denise

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36