Tag: Life

From the first touch…

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Self expression through writing has been a hobby & passion of mine since I was a little girl. In this picture, I was approximately 5 years old and was writing a poem. The following self expression explains why I am sitting there with a blank stare filled with so much sadness.

From the first touch, my life was forever changed. I could no longer see through the innocent sparkled filled eyes of a little girl, but rather the a darkened, blank stare that narrowly dilated my carefree view of this world. This false interpretation of safety and love from a man, quickly devoured my heart with lies of how my life was to be.

The depths of the overwhelming sadness that overcame me, could never be explained in order for you to understand how deep that violation not only hurt me, but changed me. All because of…that first touch.

The “first” touch led to many incidents of being molested by several people through the age of 12 and then raped at the age of 14. I held this secret until I was 40 years old. By finally sharing my story, it is helping me heal from the pain of the abuse.

Words That Are Silenced Are Lethal Secrets To Destroy You Soul, Speak Your Truth.

In April, I turn 50 years old, a half century! I want to encourage others that they too can be “no longer held captive by childhood secrets”. By safely sharing your secret with a trusted friend, family member, teacher, therapist or writing it out anonymously, this powerful act of courage, is the first step to being free from shame.

~ denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…shame

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Every troubled heart

cries out to this earth for its relief,

but searching there alone,

won’t bring you peace.

Like moths to a flame,

disoriented by failed attempts to fill

your brokenness with good deeds.

This yearning for wholeness,

and the unending need

for acceptance,

can’t be found,

in the hands of others.

Free yourself from the weight of the

tattered alabaster box,

and receive the gift of significance.

~denise marie

“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36

No longer held captive by…loneliness

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Deep wounds can begin to form when we feel forgotten. We begin to ask questions such as, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Why was I not included?”

Feelings of being forgotten…

if we allow ourself to remain in that state of despair, you will begin to spiral into a dark place which allows depression and isolation to form walls around you.

In the past, I was very familiar with the lies of feeling “forgotten” and today I

want you to know that you are important, valued, loved and seen.

Not just for what you can do for others, but for simply being you.

Those that love you, may not even know that you are struggling.

I encourage you today, to reach out to someone and let them know that you need them…and if they don’t respond with grace….then reach out to the next person…or the next one…or the next one…until you find someone who is really there for you.

You are not alone, you are not forgotten. Don’t give up.

~ xoxo Denise

“Don’t fear because I am with you, don’t be afraid for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will hold you up and keep a firm grip on you”.

-Isaiah 41:10

No longer held captive by…isolation

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I lost a close friend this week.

My heart hurts as I battled with thoughts of “why didn’t I call her on Friday”, “why wasn’t I there to check on her when she needed me?”

Then in a quiet voice, God quickly reminded me that HE was there.

In an instant I began to celebrate all of our deep conversations about God and how much she loved him, our laughing at the silliest of things until we cried hysterically. The dinners, the kids parties, our funny dance moves, the cries on each other’s shoulders and the bear hugs that reminded each other that no matter what, everything was gonna be alright.

This loss, is devastating on so many levels especially for her sweet children, spouse, family and close friends.

But in the midst of these tears, more than ever I want to encourage you to reach out for help if you need it, your not alone and isolation is a breeding ground for lies, deception and defeat.

Reach out and tell someone…

anyone…that you need help.

I guarantee you, that you are not forgotten, and there is hope.💗

~ Denise xoxo

No longer held captive…by rejection

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You are my masterpiece

Created in my perfect image

There is none like you

I made sure of that

Uniquely crafted

Genuinely created for greatness

You are wanted

Never rejected

Loved beyond measure.

His love endures forever – Psalm 118:2

xoxo Denise

Spring of ’84

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Parking Lot

https://rainn.org/     1-800-656-4673(HOPE)

No turning back…

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What do I see in the depths of her heart?

but a child so pure, innocent and set apart…

apart from the filth and innocence robbed…

apart from the trusting hands that cradled her soul…

took her aside and stole what was not theirs…

apart from lies and deep secrets untold…

childhood nightmares…

try to continue to unfold…

give her air…

so she can breathe…

open the window and set her…

Free.

Being 9 years old, I did not understand the sick logic of an old man and his ungodly desire to violate children. Why would the same person who brought so much joy to a family, bring pain? He was a lion in sheep’s clothing, and the least likely to ever be accused of such a crime. The burden he placed upon us to “keep a secret”, was the ultimate breach of trust against generations of children.

To be set free from the pain of my past, everyday I have to believe that I have a choice…

A choice to listen to the lies or the truth

To see myself as healed or broken

To live with shame or to live unashamed

To speak or to silence my voice.

You see, to declare that I’m no longer held captive by my childhood secrets, requires a daily willingness to change how I view myself and a determination to never be bound to that pain again.

~ Denise

Who the Son sets free is free indeed. John 8:36

In my darkest hour…I found hope.

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flower in darkness

I was attacked at the very core of my being and was told to end it.
That I was not going to live past the depression, the anxiety and the tremendous amount of pain. The lies, and self hatred tried to overshadow every ounce of hope and faith I previously held onto.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley…

Fragmented pieces of the memories came flashing back as I tried to piece them together and make sense of the realization that these were not nightmares but factual suppressed recollections.

I will fear no evil…for you are with me…

It was too much! I felt as if I was literally being ripped from the inside out. Every part of my body ached as I exposed the truth and walked through the dark murkiness of my past.

You protect and guide me, and I find comfort as you console me…

In my despair, I wept as I released the pain of that little girl.

You are repairing all the damage that was done to me, and restoring the deepest, most real part of me. 

My strength Lord, comes from you. ~ xoxo Denise

*Psalm 23

There are times in all of our lives that things become overwhelming, sometimes to the point that life seems to be crashing in from every angle of your life, which for me caused me to literally find myself in a dark place and needing help.

I wanted to isolate but instead I called for help.

I want to encourage you, to seek help.

If you find yourself in a position that you need to talk to someone, reach out for help.

You are not alone, you are not overreacting and please don’t feel as if you are bothering them.

Pick up your phone… and call someone.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255