A few months ago I fell and injured my back and knee. Recovery has been a frustrating teeter-tottering battle, with some days I feel great, while other days I can barely walk, sit or stand without being in pain.
The last couple of days have been difficult and I found myself in pain, but pretending that everything was ok.
By doing this, I did not take care of my own needs, and I didn’t allow others to help me (codependency 🤦🏽♀️) which only made my pain worse.
My sponsor in celebrate recovery once asked me, “what’s the next right thing?”
The next right thing I did, was to be honest with my feelings, ask for help, rest, take things moment by moment (stay present) do Breathwork to help calm my nervous system and stay prayerful.
I am grateful for self-care.🩷
– denise marie
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. – Romans 12:12
As I was taking a walk, I stepped on these leaves that had fallen from the tree. The sound of the crunch beneath my feet brought a huge smile across my face and an instant feeling of tingling happiness.
It brought me back to my childhood living in Seattle, where I would fall backwards into a pile of leaves that were newly raked in front of our house.
Reminiscing on these memories, I could literally hear the sound of laughter that filled the air with pure joy!
I’m so grateful for today and for taking a moment to be present within the beauty of nature, I honor you God, the creator of such a gift.🩷
– denise marie
So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed. -John 8:36
On Tuesday, I was running errands and for no reason that I could pinpoint, I started feeling a bit overwhelmed, instead of allowing the anxiety to heighten, I decided to shift my attention by “looking” for the beauty around me.
I began to notice artwork in the community, and realized that within the pleasurable experience of viewing art, lies the ability to evoke a sort of euphoric mood that calmed my nervousness. The Art literally seemed to communicate with me, using a language that captured the essence of the human experience, it allowed me to see the world through the lens of a different perspective.
I truly appreciate the gift of art🩷
– denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
I decided to get out of my comfort zone and nervously read one of my poems in front of the camera.
Speaking in public or in front of a camera, causes me some anxiety and I normally find myself completely overthinking, being self-critical and sometimes talking myself out of it.
But not tonight.
I sat in my living room, didn’t fuss with the perfect application of makeup or the correct lighting. I just went for it….and because I did, it was a huge breakthrough for me!
You see, after surviving the pulmonary embolism, I struggled with the affects in my mind, emotions, and body. My brain seemed to be a bit different, very foggy, easily overwhelmed/overstimulated and anxiety. I struggled and sometimes still struggle with terrible fatigue, hair loss and extra weight gain. These things had began to mess with my confidence and I found myself beginning to hide a bit and shrink back from doing things that I used to do much easier in the past.
Being in my 50’s and a survivor of…well an overcomer of so many different challenges in my life, (past childhood trauma, stress etc.) I realize that it’s ok to not always be ok, but it’s not ok to be stuck in my circumstances. Taking things one day at a time, allows me to remove unrealistic expectations and letting go of my own pressure of perfectionism, the need to please others and making space for plenty of love and grace. Healing is a process and I am choosing to be present, every step of the way.
My hope is that I continue to show up and do things that make me uncomfortable.
This not so simple act of getting out of my own head, and doing things even if I am afraid or nervous is truly liberating.
Thanks for sharing this moment with me, it means a lot!
– denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
I just wanted to send a word of encouragement out to those who are feeling weary, feeling as if they have been fighting this battle for way too long. When the thought of standing up to the health challenges, loneliness, financial strain, grief, depression, anxiety, any circumstance or situation that may have you feeling like you can’t continue on. I want you to know that you are not alone. That there is hope and help is near.
There were many days in my life that if I could just believe that it was possible for me to “just keep standing” I could. To just keep standing wasn’t necessarily always physical but yet mentally and emotionally.
On those hard days, I would call a trusted friend or family member for support, or I would schedule an appointment with my therapist. I would attend a Recovery meeting when those memories of past trauma were just too much.
And…I would go to God in prayer and read His Word, one of my favorite chapters I would read daily is Psalm 91 in which I would literally say out loud, “God you are my refuge, I know that I can trust in you, you are my strength and I am safe.”
Today, my hope and prayer is that you can “Just keep standing”.
***For immediate help please call or text the following Mental Health & Crisis line at: 988
Even when you feel like no one notices or cares. Your presence on this Earth is important…your voice, your opinion, your ideas, your disappointments, your shortcomings, your accomplishments, your defeats, your best qualities and your worst character defects, your talents, your stories, your laughter, your hugs, your smile. Every aspect of YOU, is a gift to this world. You are valued, cherished and needed.
And even when it doesn’t always feel like it…
I encourage you to grab on and hold tight to this truth…YOU are loved…overwhelmingly loved, undeniably loved, forever loved.💗
~ denise marie
“So if the son sets you free, you will be free indeed”. – John 8:36
Holding space means that you are reserving your energy to be emotionally and mentally present for yourself or others in a safe, nonjudgemental environment.
It means, setting boundaries so that you can protect your peace. Setting aside time to tune into your needs and become more self-aware. It means that you are giving yourself space to be yourself fully without judgment. To listen to your mind and body and support yourself in the best way you can.
Ways you could practice holding space for yourself could be:
• Schedule time in your regular routine to journal how you’re feeling
• Setting reminders on your phone to periodically check in with your physical and emotional state, whatever it may be, from a place of nonjudgemental loving awareness
• Practicing mindfulness, praying, meditation or breathing exercises
• Engaging in any form of self-kindness – realizing you are human and that the emotions and feelings that come with that are something to embrace, not reject or feel guilty about.
My Journey Home….to God & Self 