Tag: childhood sexual abuse

Redefine..to give a new or different definition…

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I feel completely empowered by the definition of “Redefine”, To give a New or Different Definition. Which than lead me to read the definition of “New” ~ Not before seen or known, although Existing Before; Lately Manifested; Recently Discovered.

There were so many years I hid behind the pain of  the childhood sexual abuse. I was unesy in my own body, I literally carried around the cloak of shame. When I was 12 years old, my body was changing due to puberty, I had started my menstruel cycle and I had decided that I was going to wear a burgandy trench coat. I wore the trench coat, everyday, ALL day, even when I was asleep. I was teased, laughed at, and asked by my Mom to remove it, in which I refused. She could not understand why on earth I  insisted on wearing the full length, to the knee, buttoned and belted up burgandy trench coat. This was my way of protecting myself from the abuse. But unfortunately, he had already touched my soul. Please take a moment to read the following poem,

Depths of my heart ~ What do I see in the depths of my heart? But a child so pure, innocent and set apart, Apart from the filth and innocence robbed, Apart from the trusting hands that cradled her soul, Took her aside and stole what was not theirs. Apart from lullabies and stories untold, unanswered questions and secrets held close. Open the window and depart I say, Free the bird out of her cage. Copyright ©2007 Denise Boyd

Though the days of wearing the burgandy trench coat are behind me, years later, at times I found myself continuing to wear an “invisible” trench coat. Being completly uneasy in my own body, as if I didn’t belong in the very skin I carried around daily. I work very hard to change my perception of myself and have learned to love  who I am becoming and am embracing every bit of the change coming forth in ME. I urge you to have the courage to Redefine yourself and to allow the “New” you to arise.

Denise Boyd Copyright ©

To Battle: a drawn-out conflict between adversaries, or against powerful forces..

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Do You Battle? The websters dictionary defines battle as the: “drawn-out conflict between adversaries, or against powerful forces”. When I read the definition, the words literally stood up on the page…that’s it!! My Battle is  “A drawn-out conflict between adversaries”… When I was pondering on this statement, a scene from one of my favorite movies, Remember the Titans, came to mind. While at training camp, Coach Boone, has an early morning wake up call for the boys on his high school football team. He takes them on a 3 hour run through the woods and through the rough terrain of Southern Pennsylvania. They stop, just before dawn, when the fog is rolling over the hillside, they find themselves standing at Gettysburg. Coach Boone proceeds to speak to the boys and explains a valuable lesson, here is what he said…

“Anybody know what this place is? This is Gettysburg. This is where they fought the Battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fightin’ the same fight that we’re still fightin’ amongst ourselves today. This green field right here was painted red, bubblin’ with the blood of young boys, smoke and hot lead pourin’ right through their bodies. Listen to their souls, men: ‘I killed my brother with malice in my heart. Hatred destroyed my family.’ You listen. And you take a lesson from the dead. If we don’t come together, right now, on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed — just like they were.

As a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse I relate to this statement: “If we don’t come together, right now, on this hallowed ground, we too will be destroyed“. In the past, when I chose to live as a Victim, there were so many negative forces pulling at my freedom. I had to literally fight against the unseen powerful forces of the enemy in order to survive. The forces of depression, the forces of low self-esteem, the forces of negative self-talk, the forces of destructive behaviors. At this time in my life, I am no longer believing the lies of the enemy..This is an all out WAR on childhood sexual abuse. To RECLAIM my life, toTELL my story and HELP others.
Denise Boyd Copyright ©
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.  Jeremiah 29:11